eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's

Now go home and take care of your babies. Life is too short to dwell on the painful memories but long enough to rebuild as your grandmother did. It's an anxiety that hangs over all of us. I think that it would have been easy to sink into depression after the internment, or to be consumed with resentment and bitterness. I thought Id share it here for those friends whom I havent managed to tell. And am thinking of how to write my eulogy too. By some miracle, this visit included an unusual bright spot of lucidity. You Might Have the Better Claim But I Have the Bigger Army. Lauren Flake is a wife, girl mom, native Austinite, seventh generation Texan, artist, author, and Alzheimer's daughter. Cheerfulness. In a way, I'm still writing it. Your father touched my soul like no one ever has. I also remember my husband sitting by her side talking to her for several minutes. In the last few years of Grandma Paulines life, my older two kids, around 6 and 8 at the time, were confused about why we had to make time to see her. what do restaurateurs do when they're not working? She looked after me a lot when I was young and my mother was establishing her career; I have very fond memories of the time I spent with her. We honored my mother, Dixie Benton Stucky (1953-2013), on Saturday, June 29, 2013.We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. m_gallery_blog_id = "8001122"; I write this column every week, because right now, information is really all we have to protect ourselves against Alzheimer's disease. Ironically, it seems fitting that such body memories ended up dominating a eulogy for someone who died of Alzheimers disease. It was during that drive that I filled pages with notes about my childhood memories of her. Vincent OKeefe is a writer and stay-at-home father with a Ph.D. in American literature. We always knew we werent as great as Grandma thought we were; but we hoped we were kinda close. They had to start from scratch; my mother remembers a cabin with dirt floors. I am so sorry for your loss but what a moving memorial for her life. Is she dead? I asked, in disbelief, but I knew the answer. Keep living your life. Nina and Grandma Pauline [NBC News], We Cant Comprehend This Much Sorrow [NY Times], The Familial Language of Black Grief [The Atlantic]. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. We shared a hotel room, and as we both got up early, we walked the beach at Waikiki every morning and then Grandma took me to a cafe for breakfast, a different one every day. Sure, several people offered to help here and there, helping my parents move houses, or more recently, going with me to visit my mother. Men nr jag passerade ldern d han dog, ndrades ngot. It wasnt until after she died that I was able to honor the memories she would have wanted me to keep, the vibrant ones, the ones unfettered by repetitive questions and painful moments of outright confusion. The words of the Bible rolled off her tongue with ease. The next day, Saturday, June 22, 2013, I walked into her room with my dad. Grandma's faith was never religious, dutiful, or pious. I believe that I enjoyed a tenderness from her that her own daughters perhaps did not get; she was dedicated to protecting them, and her war experiences made her fierce in her protectiveness. That morning, however, my grandfather regained full consciousness. I think it was a chapter of her life that she wanted to forget and erase as much as possible. By Tullan Holmqvist in My Loss, Personal Essays. They did manage to avoid the holding pens of the Exhibition grounds where so many were forced to live in horse stalls; on arrival they lost themselves in the crowds and fled to Steveston where they took refuge with their friends the Arakis before the inevitable removal by train to the interior. Heres a transcript of what I said instead. So to me, she was an indulgent and fond grandmother. After all, she and her community had been unfairly victimized for nothing more than their ethnicity. I wanted to know what it was to lose her husband in such a shocking, dramatic way and how she was able to rebuild her life. She was an expert in Japanese flower arranging and traveled with a bolt cutter and hatchet which she used to glean good specimens for her arrangements. And in her later years, when the more complex aspects of her personality had faded, her joyful faith in Jesus remained. I had already spent so many years grieving and honoring the memory of my mother and best friend. By the time Grandma Pauline was in her late 70s, her mind was already beginning to fail. Share on Pinterest. Beauty wordings and a few random tangents! My grandmother was shaped by her historical context. [], [] That night, a great peace washed over me. She's her old self again, happy and vibrant and sharp as a whip. Canny Geordie Meaning, I sat on her bed and held her hand. The good memories, the meaningful memories that we have of Pat are of her younger, more vivacious years. [], [] was pregnant with my second daughter and chasing after a toddler when my mom died. Most of the other stories fell away to the point where I couldnt remember them either. Design by Bethany Beams, Some Stars Shine: Happy Birthday, Baby Brother, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs , Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish, Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? In Grandmas case, this was Lillooet. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. Search for: Recent Posts. Eulogy for Ellen, My Mother. My years of worry, tears, and constant attachment to my cell phone, expecting calls from nurses in the middle of the night, were over. When I launched this column, I promised myself that once a year, on the anniversary of her death, I would devote the column to her memory. Your love for her, your tender descriptions of her, your understanding and compassion for her wartime experiences and your tribute to her character are so beautifully written. Filed Under: death, growing up, memories Tagged With: Aging, Alzheimer's, life lessons. We honored my mother, Dixie Benton Stucky (1953-2013), on Saturday, June 29, 2013. I stopped in my tracks as soon as I saw her, waiting for her to breathe. : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing a Loved One, Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish, My mother found peace after Alzheimers disease, Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. Well, she lived 94 years so you know Grandma didnt waste rice. I was reading Anne of Green Gables for the first time, and Grandma allowed me to chatter to her nonstop about this landmark book which she hadnt read. When Id ask about my grandfather, Norman, who died in his late 50s in a plane crash on his way to Japan, shed remind me that I was named after him. Tagged as eulogy, Japanese Canadian internment, What a stunning and moving tribute to your grandmother. When words fail, music comes through and pulls us all in. She couldnt read, couldnt even enjoy a TV show because her short-term memory didnt allow her to retain a plot line. Mothers Day is a difficult time for my grandma and myself, since losing my mom to early onset Alzheimers disease four years ago. From Lillooet she moved with her family to Kamloops, where she met my grandfather, and they married in 1944. Ive edited it a bit because I wrote it to read out: My grandmother, Susan Sugiyama, was a woman I would like to honor today with my memories of her. Just five weeks after my mothers passing, my 90-year-old grandfather fell and broke one of the vertebrae in his neck. During the night on the 23rd of December she suffered a stroke that left her non-responsive on the 24th, and that afternoon she died. The blow to Grandmas sense of self-worth was hard to recover from. Because you'll know where they come from. My mother, who had a way with words, might have said we were multivocal. Thus, I thought her eulogy should be multivocal as well, and I asked each sibling to help me by sharing a favorite memory or two that paid tribute to some of her values e.g., sacrifice, dedication, humility and a sense of humor. She had been a resident at our home on Westbourne Road since 2015. March 22, 2012December 11, 2012. But know Im thinking of you and thanks so much for sharing. My most emotional moment was holding my phone up to her ear so my grandfather could say goodbye to his only child. Tras la muerte de mi mam, encontr un nuevo significado en mi color favorito de siempre. When my grandmother died two weeks ago, I was asked to share a short eulogy at the memorial service. But dementia doesn't care. I write my mother's eulogy every single week. [], [] didnt really get to know Karen until after my mom passed in June 2013. But to me, that was a great picture of who Grandma actually was. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; 3. I feel like I lost my mom a long time ago, but there was no funeral, no obituary, no headstone, no closure. With the outbreak of war with Japan, like others in the Japanese Canadian community she was sent with her father, her mother and her younger brother Sid, to a prison camp for the duration of the war. | Beginners welcome. When I was 9 our family took a trip to Hawaii and Grandma came along. When we got word en route that she had died, my husband had to keep assuring the kids that I was okay. As a young woman, she came to Vancouver, to attend sewing school. Jameson Peter Mendes, I put everything I could into the eulogy and really hoped to convey a sense of her life and character. Do you know youre loved?. She was delicate and wild., Memorial Service Packet Dixie StuckyMemorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie StuckyKnesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. Saying goodbye to my mother. The grieving process is a long one, and never truly over, but hope your memories are helping to ease the sadness. m_gallery_pagetype = "embed"; This column is committed to brain health, prevention of dementia and successful aging. Your email address will not be published. Her usual way of greeting me these past few years has been to look at Harold and say, Well, look at this handsome young man is he one of us? That morning after church, Grandma looked at me and said, You keep preaching the word, young man. Im still not sure if she knew who I was but she knew who Jesus was, and she recognized his Word when she heard it. But you never know what small, barely noticeable gestures and habits might become your most visible, defining characteristics in the eyes of your children someday. If you want to chat, I am here. It seems almost everyone I talk to has lost a parent or grandparent to Alzheimer's, or is currently dealing with it in their extended family. Grandma was an expert seamstress and sewed clothing for her family. I cried quietly in the passenger seat, as decade-old memories of our pre-dementia relationship resurfaced. And many of us here today are the fruit of those prayers. Required fields are marked *. So I go after dementia the way it went after my mother -- relentlessly, clinically, unrepentantly. Individually, people suffered immensely. A friend of my mothers for 40 years, Stuart Platt, delivered my mothers eulogy at her funeral and also spoke at her graveside service. That tells me the depths of her distress about her experience. "Since 2014, when the clinic was founded, it's been OK to say 'Alzheimer's disease' and 'prevention' in the same sentence.". As Grandma lost her memory these last few years, she often mistook my daughter Mio for me; it took her a while sometimes to connect the adult I am now with the child she used to take care of. We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. I want them to know I had a Grandma Pauline, who filled me with enough love to pass on a gift like that to all of them. My kids found this hilarious; Grandma couldnt remember to stop singing. She showed me much love and kindness. After my mom died, I discovered a world of new meaning in my favorite color. Who Grandma was in her final years is who she really was. I was so lucky to have her for so long. [] I have received several requests for the playlist of funeral songs from my mothers services. Loved reading about how she passed Japanese culture to you. We are still grieving, but also returning to good memories for comfort. I try to remember that inspirational lesson as I parent my own children. She prayed relentlessly for her kids and grandkids and for the people of Murdo. But if she lost them, then I can only hope that she lost, too, the bitter memories of wartime and the hard years of struggle afterwards. My mother certainly got an A ++ in this. I started reading your eulogy when you sent it, but read it today thoroughly. But finding a way to act friendly and cheerful and talkative with the woman who still looked like my grandma required me to put my memories of her pre-dementia identity on hold. Two years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church for the first time ever. But the truth is that my grandmother had been gone for more than a decade when she took her last breath. Again, a sensory memory of security became the most indelible legacy of a loving parent. I probably wanted to throttle you and I was taking it out on your heads! We all laughed hard, then noted how long it took for each of us to realize you dont have to shake your head violently to wash your hair. I was constantly racking my brain, trying to figure out what or whom she was waiting on. He has continued to improve and was out of bed and walking today! Her joyful exuberance turned out to be [], [] Ireally need to watch my mom suffer with early onset Alzheimers disease for the bulk of my twenties? Jet Diver Vs Dipsy Diver, Im more like my grandfather. The Riparian Times is a boutique publication with musings about life, travel, fashion and art. Eulogy for a Grandmother I'm not sure how you begin to talk about a life that spanned nearly a centurya woman whose time included half a dozen wars, The Great Depression, and 17 different presidents. [], [] One year ago, onthe day before Mothers Day, my mother and I looked into each others eyes for the very last time. Archives One of her lungs had failed and she was no longer conscious. I have tears in my eyes, though I never met her. We held the funeral yesterday and I gave the eulogy. m_gallery_creation_date = "Tuesday, April 26, 2016, 3:51 PM"; (Contributed photo). Since the doctors were unable to diagnosis exactly what kind of dementia she suffered from, her children and grandchildren had no general timeline to predict her decline. But the truth is that my grandmother had been gone for more than a decade when she took her last breath. Everyone told her that it was okay for her to go home but her stubborn little body just kept fighting. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. Thank you. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); On March 29, 2022, I was invited by Senator John Thune to be the guest chaplain for the U.S. Senate,, In the past week, its suddenly become commonly accepted wisdom that congregational singing is, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window), Protect Your Kids: How to Install an Internet Filter, Healthcare: Why Both Parties Are Missing the Point, A Historic Day: What Brexit Tells Us About Culture. Im very sorry for your loss. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; she never watched a ball game in which her kids or grandkids werent the most valuable player; and she never understood why John didnt get 100% of the vote in every election. I think that she became a fighter, for herself and for her family. I still dream about her often. When I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish about the imminent loss of my mother and her father, I had no idea that my mothers battle with Alzheimers disease would end just 8 days later.. Death after Alzheimers disease. Pride. I had no idea the next time I saw you, you would be unconscious on your deathbed. I certainly will. And many of us here today are the fruit of those prayers. I spent the rest of that week scanning photos of my beautiful mother and finalizing details for her funeral services. (When I saw her again, she was unconscious in the days before her passing.) What a life she had and what a blessing she was to you and you to her. Find NJ.com on Facebook. But I didnt ask, and she couldnt really answer anyway. When I logged onto Zoom to lead a session on friendship, my true love was waiting in the grid. As everyone took stock of our familys past, I learned a surprising lesson: Memories borne through touch, taste, sound travel well. Jag har aldrig slutat att grta fr allt han har gtt misste om. I had deja vu from watching my mother in her final days and months of Alzheimers disease. Theres no filter. I vividly remember my last good visit with you, about a month before you died, when (my brother) Russell and I came to see you the day before Mothers Day. She's gone. I was finally ready for her to go. I will continue to write this column every week, because it's important to put this information in front of people, and to keep it in front of them. We were all saddened by her departure, yet relieved that she would not suffer. And there are three things that stand out to me as part of her enduring legacy. You were unusually alert. But people dont quite know how to mourn someone whos still technically alive. Seattle & Leeds. I was the eldest, born at least 7 years before the next grandchild, so I commanded her attention, plus she was a fairly young grandmother with lots of energy for a young child. We had a very different Christmas this year and I havent been able to post anything, despite having read many books. As she put it: she was an optimist, while Harold was more of a realist.. I hated watching her unconscious, struggling to breathe and seeing her body succumb a little more each day to dehydration. And now that I can only reach back through the memories, I promise to share the best ones I have with my children and, God-willing, with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She showed me patience. Music played an important role in my journey through my mothers illness. In many ways the community was destroyed; we dispersed to all parts of Canada, many reluctant to return to the coast where they felt betrayed by their neighbours. Grandma and Grandpa set up a corner store in east Vancouver, which they kept open long hours. For years. On New Years Day she would make a special meal for everyone, with futomaki and the inevitable chow mein that is de rigeur at every Japanese Canadian family meal. I finally found peace after Alzheimers disease. She had dementia and wasnt really enjoying life. Before my grandma died, Id get a hardened, stoic sensation when Id think about her. Its difficult today to fully comprehend the pain of this experience, and how it affected our community. If you ask my four kids about their memory of Grandma, theyll likely talk about Thanksgiving 2 years ago. Candid conversation about grief. Ill try to post on those later. I felt I was able to reach her in that moment. Because there were so many of us, we grew up in a noisy family. People didnt deliver meals or flowers. It has been a difficult summer for my grandparents. Her life was not easy and I think to be a mother fighting for your familys survival is difficult for your immediate relationships; but even after all that hardship and strife, there was enough softness left inside to give to her granddaughter. I am the oldest of Harold and Pat Thunes 13 grandchildren, and it is a privilege for me to represent them today by offering a few reflections on Pats life. Love for Christ. 2. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. We were all sitting around the table and Grandma kept breaking into song the same song over and over again. She also boiled shiitake mushrooms which doesnt smell good to kids and to this day I cant eat shiitake. He was able to swallow (pureed foods) again and was talking to all of us and even telling jokes. We are so happy with his improvement, despite his spinal injury. The reason is that my mother's mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. 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